If I could Turn Back Time #BehindTheBlogger

If I could turn back time, I would have followed my heart.It has been said and proven true that the past repeats itself. It’s the nature of it. And if we do no learn from the past then we are destined to repeat it to a T, good or bad. It is also said that the past makes us who we are today. True statements? I think so! Without our pasts we could not be who we are but there are also moments that we probably wish we could have avoided or dealt with sooner. Those moments for me involve love, or at least what I thought was love, and obligation.

Growing up I loved the idea of marriage. The love and family that came with it was like a fairy tale to me. My parents were amazing role models and are still married after 33 years and no matter their problems they worked it out and stayed together showing me that love could and would conquer all. I wanted that love and security that came with it. I wanted it so bad that I made a lot of decisions when it came to relationships that I should not have. And I’m not just talking heartbreak and growth, that’s a normal occurrence, but I let obligation become more important then love and happiness and it ended up being 8 years of really rough times.

I’ve been married before. There I finally said it on the blog. This is not something I am proud of being the Christian that I am and if you were to ask anyone on the outside of my marriage they would tell you is should not have happened. We were young, started dating in high school and went off to different colleges. We would be fine, or so I thought. He got into some really bad things that I knew were happening but when confronted he promised he would change and I believed him. You would think after the 6th or 7th time I confronted him I would have realized that it was not going to change.  I knew in my heart that this relationship was not going to work. And that saddens me to this day that I did not follow my heart. Instead I followed the obligation that was in front of me. Everyone knew about the wedding and had been making plans to be there, so how could I ruin that?

My parents put a lot of money into the wedding already and they would not get it back so I have to go through with it right? Well, I did but the real answer is no. I was so afraid of disappointing people who were looking forward to the wedding and help plan it that I went through with it. I married a man that I loved but knew we were too different to be happy together in the long run. It ended in a divorce less 3 years later with a lot more pain.

If I could turn back time I would have never gotten married the first time. I would tell myself and now I’m telling you to follow your heart and not to worry about disappointing people or living up to obligations. Mistakes happen and it’s better to fix them early than later. I am a very happy and successful marriage now, the one I always wanted, and it’s because I followed my heart.

 

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12 thoughts on “If I could Turn Back Time #BehindTheBlogger”

  • Your past is not something to be ashamed of. You were married before and you learned SO much from it! You learned that love is much more important than obligation and to follow your instincts. We’ve all done things that we are embarrassed to admit, but you did what you felt was right at the time. We learned and grow from all of our experiences. What’s important is that you loved the best you could and you tried as hard as you could. Now you are happy and you may not be where you are today if that were different.

  • I’m on my 3rd marriage … the first two were WILD mistakes and I did it out of “This is how things are supposed to progress” and just went with the flow; and made myself miserable in the process. My marriage now is hardly perfect but we work on it every day and sometimes hour by hour. Your past is nothing to be ashamed of! But good for you for talking about it 🙂

  • Thank you so very much for sharing your story with us. A lot of the things you said, I really needed to hear right now. I’m always more focused on and worried about others and their feelings and reactions to things more so than I am about myself, my needs, and my feelings. I’m always afraid of disappointing others and so I often times put myself in situations that make me unhappy because it makes others happy, even when it’s a bad situation all around. I think a lot of us can learn from the experience of others when it comes to taking a cue from our gut feelings.

  • I loved reading this. What great advice. Do what will make you happy, don’t follow an obligation. I do believe that everything happens for a reason and I am willing to bet you are stronger for it in the long run.

  • Think of your first marriage as a lesson learned. Nothing more. I am happy you have married again and that you are truly happy this time around. At the end of the day, that is what matters. Thanks for sharing with us! 🙂

  • Thank you for sharing. I think it is hard to be open about things you consider a mistake. Sometimes, mistakes can make us kinder and more forgiving as people as we know what it is like to make mistakes. I am happy that your second marriage is a good one.

  • I’m so sorry to read about your first marriage. I almost walked into a bad marriage myself, but am very thankful I didn’t. I knew it was a mistake and was glad i listened to the way God was leading me. I met the right guy later and we have been together for almost 31 years now. I’m so glad you are in a wonderful marriage now! I pray it continues to grow and develop into something extra special!

  • Thank you for sharing your story. Think of your first marriage as another step in getting you to where you are today. I’m so happy for you that you have found the love of your life.

  • All that matters is that you learned from it. It’s easy for us to believe someone over and over when we want what they are saying to be true. Don’t beat yourself up over it. It just means you are a caring person.

  • I have also been divorced, married young, I knew he was trouble, but I thought I could save him. I stuck by him throughout my entire 20’s dating/engagement/then marriage. I wish I had listened to that little voice in my head saying he wasn’t going to change, I deserved better, why should I save him? If I could turn back time I would love to have my 20’s back to date, have fun, travel, and focus on work. I feel like I’ve been trying to pay catch up ever since on all that I missed.

  • Going through with a wedding that would ultimately result in unhappiness because so much had been invested (and not just financial capital) is part of a wider phenomenon known as “sunk cost fallacy”. Upon identification of the phenomenon and its many incarnations, learning to avoid such a snowball effect could potentially lead to great personal growth in many areas of life. 🙂

    God bless,
    Miles

  • I loved reading your story. You have nothing to be ashamed of. We all make mistakes, we all sin. Thankfully we have One who forgives. Thank you for sharing!

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